when life throws lemons and you're out of sugar

2nd April 2021

The last time I saw some of my closest friends was back in November 2019. Every time we've planned to meet I've always been very skeptical. It's second nature for me to be a little worried when meeting people and I have this one person who always convinces me that it'll be great. Every time, we have the same conversation. Then I go and I always return with some very incredible memories.

One of the girls from the group, she's leaving the country. She's going to be gone a long time. More are going to leave eventually. We all do. We've all been together a long time, but how long is really a long time? I have this void within me, it's there most of the time and I do a lot of things to fill it but it's all temporary. Meeting these people always sort of heals it, just momentarily, I feel a little more understood, a little lighter, a little more loved, and a little more kinder.

We all see it coming, but we never really think the last time is the last time. We make plans for a future we know nothing of. We do things all for just some safety, a little love, some comfort. I know I do. We all see it coming but do we really see it coming? It always comes faster than you think and when you least expect it. It starts as a soft whisper of melancholic comforting lies and leaves behind a cacophony of unsettling truths. You never think the last time is the last time until is.

We always think there's tomorrow but really nothing is guaranteed. I saw it coming but it hurt all the same. It stung and left behind a series of collapsing hurt. I always try the look for the silver lining but what do you do when there is no silver lining? Life throws lemons, make lemonade they say but what do you do when you're out of sugar? What do you do when it's all bitter and there's just no sweet left?

We think we have time but we don't. So please make the most of it. Be here, appreciate the people you have, tell them you adore them, don't waste your time, please. Make the most of your time here, because death is real, waiting and life is here, asking.

So please go tell someone around you that you adore them, hug them. Spend time with them because you don't really know when it'll just be gone.

This got sadder than I would have hoped. This is reality hitting me liking a truck and leaving me heartbroken more than anything else. Life is short and it sucks a lot of the time so please just hang onto things, people who make you feel like it doesn't. Though be there without fear, yes it could end at any time but that's what makes it so special, knowing our time is limited so we don't waste it.

I've not written anything real in a long time, the last real thing I wrote was months ago. This is something I avoided a lot, thinking it wouldn't matter but things are real and things hurt. This is real, I promise, this is pain, heartache, and unshed tears.

you'll probably hear from me in a couple of months again, until then,

all the love,

k.c <3