to distant shores

let me start by saying happy pride month!!!

recently there's been so much unrest out in the world i might be a little glad to be in the safety of my house. i have no expectations of this month whatsoever but i am secretly praying everything gets just a little better. so we can go see the people you love, be it whoever. love is love. i hope you choose acceptance over anything because unfortunately, that is not often the case. be a lover, choose love, give love, love evryone and accept them for whoever they are, always. on that note here we go something that's been on my mind.

i was staring at a photo, it was taken this year in January towards the end. it's framed and placed on my study table next to this absolutely stunning portrait of harry styles which has a few candles in front of it. i really like the glow that takes over that art piece, its weirdly soothing, the soft light and the scent of vanilla overwhelming my senses. i have another photograph taped right above those two frames. it was taken 2-3 years ago. it's been a while obviously and when i sat and compared, i am a very different person. i have changed a lot, but its not something drastic like i look different or something it's a very subtle but a change i never knew i needed.

since then i've tried putting myself through a lot of change. it's very confusing, terrifying and exhausting sometimes. but it also feels somewhat calming to exist in such a chaotic sequence. my chaos has order. if things constantly change then something new is coming, that way i wont get bored. always something to look forward too. there are days when i'm filled with ambition and am ready to take on the world. sometimes the fire is so much that it feels like it's going to set my world on fire. create. more. evolve. learn. improve. sometimes it's so overwhelming you want the madness to stop for a while. funny the feeling of being able to do so much of what you want can get so chaotic.

other days i want to stay in bed, look at pinterest. some days i want to stare at the sky and listen to my same old playlist 33 times. some days you stay inside and finally pick up that book you've been meaning to read but never had the time for. life is confusing, sometimes what we want and when we want cannot coexist. some days you want the world and some days you want nothing more than just a little space. how does everything even work?