the list

i'm tired and i haven't done much today. it's been very unproductive lately. i cried over pancakes. my room is a mess, my study table has seen better days, my mental health has seen better days too to be quite honest and i'm desperately craving a mocha frappuccino which has been whipped for an extra 33 seconds from starbucks. i just want to sit on one of the couches and sip it slowly and be at some sort of simulated peace that a cafe tends to induce in me.

i've also been listening to arijit singh on repeat since a few days. just something soothing about the beautifully romanticised heartbreak or the flowery way of him singing about the feeling of love. dekha hazaro dafaa is a particular one i like. i've been studying very little than i normally do. but is anything about everything happening right now normal?

i don't really know why i started writing this, but i'm not feeling too good right now and writing tends to help ease my mind a little. i miss my friends a lot but i don't really have the energy to carry out conversations so we haven't been talking all that much. i've been making a lot of lists of things i need to finish but i'm struggling. school starts in a few days and i really have no idea as to what i have finished and what needs to be done, but i'm at a point where i physically am not able to do much, i'm tired.

i'm tryna rewatch my favorite shows and movies and those seem uninteresting too. right now there is not much that is quite stimulating to my mind. but i'm praying it gets better soon, it might rain soon, it's cloudy right now and there are strong winds. i hope you're doing a little better than i am right now and if not that's okay too. we're all just trying to do our best right now and that's what matters. i hope you do something that makes you a little happy today, drink some water. i still believe that 2020 can become a good year, we just need some time.

ok i'm going to go lay down a bit, maybe clean my table soon, until next time, all the love.