sweet surrender

it's windy and chilly, it's probably going to rain soon. i hope it does. the sun came out for a while today, it disappeared soon after. it felt good. i recently read a few books. the romance, the hurt, the pain, the happy it made me feel a lot. i liked it. i felt alive. i don't always feel alive, sometimes for days on a stretch i don't feel alive. sometimes it's books, music, food, that make you feel alive. sometimes it's people. people change people.

i rewatched greys anatomy. i love the routine, it feels familiar. everything feels still, calm. i like it. i'm in no rush to reply to messages, study, watch something, shower or even listen to music. you don't always need to be rushing, move from one thing to another, sometimes just some consistency and the freedom to do what you want is enough. i surrender to this feeling of absolute stillness, it's almost enlightening. recently i've been reading a lot of poetry, words really have the power to make you feel things you never imagined you could.

have you ever met someone who can make you feel a lot of things together? with them there is no certainty to what they're going to say or do next, it's almost charming. sometimes some people are just so complex it's fun, you want to know them more, and the more you know, the more you want. i think as humans we crave more, the more we have the more we want. it's more of a desire, an insatiable desire, like when you bite into a strawberry slow enough you can feel the flavor just burst i your mouth. that is savoring, indulging. it makes you alive. i want to indulge, savor. and encountering a kindred flame makes it all sweeter. i hope you find your kindred spirit, life won't be as lonely then.

until next time, all the love,

K.